Multitasking-less

I notice that in this era of advancing technology we are more and more capable of doing many things at once.  We can do more, do it faster, do it longer.  At some point in recent years, we became a nation that prided itself on its ability to multitask. Yet I also notice that as I age my personal ability, my internal technology, seems to be moving in the opposite direction.

I liken the experience to that of a juggler.  In my twenties and thirties I became a master juggler quite successfully. Now, in my forties, I still am. The difference being that I had responsibilities the size of tennis balls back then and today the issues before me are the size of bowling balls. I am successful at the juggling but as I handle the bowling-ball-sized responsibilities, the tennis-ball-sized-items that get tossed my way often fail to get picked up or handled well.

So, for instance, as I work hard in my role as mother, focusing on homework every night, I work to make sure my son is mastering the lessons, applying the exercises for practice, and absorbing the knowledge in his long term memory banks. I do this while working full-time at my job and volunteering part-time at his school and at our church.... the "bowling-ball-sized items".

I am mothering, teaching, directing, all with the intent and focus on my son's intellectual, behavioral, and social development. And now, as the fall season moves quickly toward winter, I notice the boy has no pants.... which ought to be a tennis-ball-sized matter... until November comes.

The boy has grown three inches since April and has insisted on wearing shorts the entire time. We are deep into October and the one pair of pants he has worn to church every week for months has finally given out at the knees. 

I am sure this sounds like a really minor problem. I can afford to buy more pants. Yet the multitasker in me cannot figure out when and where and I have zero time to get it done before they will be desparately needed and their absence will cause him to be labeled inappropriate and me to be labeled a bad mom (or at least a weird one).

I will manage this somehow... but what I notice more than the temporary pantless situation is how fried my brain became when I realized we lost the only pair of pants we had.  I am certain the issue is more complicated by my son's firm belief that he should not have to wear pants (thus, I suspect, the lack of forthcoming communication about the insufficient quantity of pants). Once the situation finally penetrated the fog that has become a permanent part of my head, I became paralyzed, frozen, stuck. I had plans, agendas, maps, and dates... this was an interuption. A problem. A challenge. One that I did not feel compelled to rise to meet, but rather compelled to fall under. Better yet, crawl under. Somebody please stop this ride that is my life. It is going too fast and I want to get off.

Stop it now.

Rhythm of Life, Part 2

I notice that my habit is to be on my best behavior so that I can model the right way for my son. The older he grows, the more of a camcorder he becomes. He absorbs what he experiences and replays it in his own actions. When he and I are not doing well, his performance in school suffers. When I am having a rough time and lose my temper, his behavior slips. Maybe this is the plight of living as a solo parent with just the two of us in the house.

I feel like I work really hard to behave well, to be a person of character, to be my word, because he is looking and watching me. He sees me talk the talk and walk the walk. I have strong character because of my desire to be a good mom.

My habit is to share and be generous with my time and talent. My son watches how I spend my time, how and when I volunteer, and how much I work hard for our church. He is developing a habit of community service as well.

My habits are to keep my word, follow the rules, and not run red lights no matter how late I am.

I cannot help but feel like there many of us around... but that there are not yet enough of us striving to be good role models for their children or other people's children.

If there were enough of us and we all were succeeding, shouldn't this country look better and be better? Would it really be that much of a struggle to get health care reform and other public policies that benefit the least of us the most?

When do we have a tipping point in our community and culture?

The tipping point where enough people care about the well-being of all of us more than caring about personal success at the expense of us.

The tipping point when a majority of us who are prosperous arrive at the place where we can see that we have more than enough and we are willing to give generously to ensure that others' lives are bettered.

The tipping point when enough of us have a habit of valuing our children as the gifts from God that they are, rather than seeing them as possessions or trophies or nuisances... when we value, respect, and appreciate those who care for and educate our children rather than attack them, undervalue them, and under compensate them.

Tip, tip people.

Read more about Malcolm Gladwell's book, Tipping Point http://www.gladwell.com/tippingpoint/index.html
It's a book about change. In particular, it's a book that presents a new way of understanding why change so often happens as quickly and as unexpectedly as it does. It's that ideas and behavior and messages and products sometimes behave just like outbreaks of infectious disease. They are social epidemics. The Tipping Point is an examination of the social epidemics that surround us.

The Rhythm of Life is a Force of Habit

I am listening to Oleta Adams who is singing about the Rhythm of Life and a line in her song says that the "rhythm of life is a force of habit."

I then think about those quotes about habits that circulate regularly:

Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

We are what we repeatedly do.
Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.
Aristotle (Ancient Greek Philosopher, Scientist and Physician, 384 BC-322 BC)

First we make our habits, then our habits make us.
Charles C. Noble

Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.
Jim Rohn (American Speaker and Author. He is famous for motivational audio programs for Business and Life. )

This may all seem a bit cliche but the question that forms in my mind is what am I in the habit of?

The basics are obvious.

I am in the habit of going to work every day, showing up on time, and doing a good job.

I am in the habit of getting my son to school and/or summer camp on time, with proper nourishment and appropriate clothing, rested and ready to be taught and to learn.

So it could be said this behavior comes from thoughts of mine that I value education and care about having a good work ethic.

So now what?

What destiny do I enjoy because I have habits of being dedicated, timely, and dutiful which lead me to be of strong character. Am I a good person now? and thus was not one before?

Am I destined for greatness because I get my child to school on time every day? Maybe he is destined for greatness because his school record is spotless.... what about me? where is the Parent's Place? Who has the Oscar/Emmy Awards for Best Parent?

We could have the Gimme' (short for Give me) Awards for Parenting!!

We could have Best male and female parent awards for starring in a high drama of the elementary school children!

How about the Best Parent in supporting role of nag and nuisance but I got my kid graduated from high school and off to college somehow!

How about an award for Best parent starring in a solo role, head of household, busting one's butt with no relief seven days a week, fifty-two weeks out of the year.

(Someone please nominate me!)

Truth be told, there is no celebration, reward, gift, grant, or significant other public acknowledgement of some of the most important work done in the world. The job of parenting is a reward unto itself but comes in the face of opposing forces, cultural distractions, and insufficient economic support.

Personally the joy of a job well done and the heart warming love and affection of my child ought to be enough. Yet I would not mind being awarded the Nobel Prize for Parenting (also known as the Nobel Prize for Peace). I think there is $1.5 million attached to that, right??

Baby, baby, no baby

Having a baby is not the same thing as parenting a child.

When I hear talk of having a baby, let's have a baby, I want to have a baby... I think of pregnancy, and romantic notions like the creation of life. I envision man and woman, or two partners, nurturing the life yet to be born. I see the beauty of the bulge and the glowing sweetness that comes with the gift of grooming new life. I remember the delicate, tender feelings of love and joy when I looked into my own newborn's little face all wrinkled and scrunched up... when I felt him cuddled beside me or in my lap, snuggling me, seeking comfort and security and needing little else besides some milk.

This is all well and good.

Yet the reality is that a baby turns into a child and children require good parenting.

The work of good parenting is about paying attention, exercising self-control, modeling good behavior, making sacrifices to put the child's interests first, and so much more. It is about discipline and dedication and being a warrior for the very best outcome that can be generated. This is how I view my job.

I am a mother. I have a job. I was not hired but I am employed and my performance evaluation will come in about a decade or so. Will I have contributed to raising a responsible, mature adult who is a positive contributor to community and country? or will I have contributed to raising an adult who is less than productive and not responsible and not self-sufficient? Will the person be emotionally and socially healthy? well-developed and educated?

These are the things I think about now. So when I was asked about "giving my man a baby" I almost screamed and cackled.... give him a baby? why on earth would I do that knowing how high the probability is that he will "give" the baby back? Yes, that sounds cynical, but the reality is that no one gives a baby to anyone.

Two people meet, fall in love, perhaps, decide to marry, perhaps, decide to have a child. Usually the conversation is that I want to have a baby...but the conversation really ought to be that I want to parent.

That is the real conversation to have. Do you want to parent? how will you parent? are you ready for the sacrifices (and the joys) that good parenting requires? are you prepared for fifteen to twenty years of hard labor? If you have already put in some years in the trenches of parenting, are you really ready to start over and do more? Who are you parenting with? are they as dedicated and dutiful as you? will they be committed? will they be consistent?