tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-72689436754452419962024-03-14T00:01:35.229-04:00Pam's Pearls and PostsViews from an amateur political animal, with strong opinions shaped by a career as an economist, a public policy analyst, and solo-parent.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7268943675445241996.post-30132536731679852822011-12-29T03:09:00.001-05:002011-12-29T03:09:28.346-05:00Good to Great Government vs. none at all<br />
So I am reading this article about Obama and the 2012 presidential race. In particular, the conservative direction it. The opinion writer mentions a Mitt Romney
campaign trail quote, “This is an election
not to replace a president but to save a vision of America,” he
declared. “It’s a choice between two destinies.” ...he urged voters to ask: “Who are we as Americans, and what
kind of America do we want for our children?”<br />
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<a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/obama-the-conservative-in-2012/2011/12/23/gIQAFyviHP_story.html?fb_ref=Netwo%2http://www.washinhttp://www.washingtonpost.com:80/ac2/wp-dyn?node=admin/registration/register">See the article here: E.J. Dionne Jr. writes about Obama the conservative in the Washington Post</a><br />
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E.J. Dionne goes on to write that <i>Obama is defending a tradition that sees government as an essential
actor in the nation’s economy, a guarantor of fair rules of competition,
a countervailing force against excessive private power, a check on the
inequalities that capitalism can produce, and an instrument that can
open opportunity for those born without great advantages.</i><br />
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Here is what I can say about who I am as an American and what I want for our children.<br />
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I want what Dionne articulates Obama wants.<br />
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I am a strong, hardworking, dedicated mother who was raised to believe that my role as an American is to grow myself, my skills and talents, share them for productive value in my community, prosper, thrive, and nurture a family. My job is to leave this place better off than when I arrived and to ensure that I have grown the resource base of the nation and the earth rather than diminish it.<br />
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Theory teaches us that the purpose of government is to intervene where private markets fail or fail to exist. More specifically, government's role, according to some, is to provide public goods and redistribution. Since market systems allow for individuals to create and allocate goods and services for private benefit at private cost, the social benefits and costs have to be accounted for with certain goods. These public goods are the ones typically inadequately supplied in the private sector. Education, pollution control, and national defense are common examples in the economic textbooks.<br />
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I rely on government to educate my child because I choose to work full-time and thus am not free to educate him myself. The purpose of government , what it used to be, what it is, and what it should be could be a great conversation for this nation to have. I have tended to believe that presidential elections were indeed a big part of that conversation.<br />
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Granted, what is needed from government today has evolved over time and through marketplace advancements that have been faster than public sector evolution. The way our governments work, what they provide, and how they provide it is an ongoing and important political debate. Yet the politics of 2012 are not about that. They are about whether government needs to exist at all. There are many places where government works well but not necessarily efficiently and my response to that is increase efficiency. There are places where government does not work. Questioning whether it should work and how it could work is an important part of any consideration about the role of government. Yet defenders of government are so beat up and on the ropes, that kind of nuanced discussion gets lost. The fight is government or no government.<br />
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I'd rather the fight be about good government or great government. I am not fooled. Romney and other candidates are not really in a sincere debate about who we are as Americans. He and others are in a debate about some Americans versus other Americans. These Americans getting over because of, or at the expense of, those Americans. <br />
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I'll also note that government is a word, a term, that actually refers to layers of public sector participation. Typically all of them are thrown together as one big, bad monster when it is convenient in the midst of debate. Yet there is also a regular pattern of separation, when it is politically convenient, to acknowledge the power and strength of the states. Then the debate becomes one about the <i>big, bad, ugly federal government versus the little, efficient, wonderful states.</i> BUNK I say! These are false and unproductive distinctions that have more to do with trying to knock the guy out of the White House than any real valuable and important economic or social value. <br />
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We are going to have to pay closer attention than we have done before. If we blink or snooze we are going to wake up on some new form of the plantations of old. <br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7268943675445241996.post-25110038383761462822011-12-27T14:32:00.001-05:002011-12-27T14:45:01.413-05:00What's got the President's tongue?<div class="gmail_quote">
When I saw this email subject line in my box at work, I first thought., "<i>Yes, what, or more specifically, who has his tongue? </i>" then I opened it to see the playful picture. Yet I am left wondering who is speaking for the President? or, rather, who is the President speaking for ? 'cause if he thinks he is speaking for me he needs to speak up!<br />
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The White House <<a href="mailto:info@messages.whitehouse.gov" target="_blank">info@messages.whitehouse.gov</a>> 12/27/2011 12:05 PM </div>
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<tr> <td width="491"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hYXxeuwmoI4/TvodQjZG9CI/AAAAAAAAADo/kctjQF7JcX4/s1600/bm-image-737757.gif"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5690893249351709730" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hYXxeuwmoI4/TvodQjZG9CI/AAAAAAAAADo/kctjQF7JcX4/s320/bm-image-737757.gif" /></a></td> <td width="159"><span style="color: #999999; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 1.5em;">Your Daily Snapshot for<br />Tuesday, Dec. 27, 2011</span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: maroon; font-family: 'Georgia','serif';"><span style="font-size: small;">What's got the President's tongue?<br /> </span></span><span style="color: maroon; font-family: 'Georgia','serif';"> </span><span style="color: maroon; font-family: 'Georgia','serif';"><a href="http://links.whitehouse.gov/track?type=click&enid=ZWFzPTEmbWFpbGluZ2lkPTIwMTExMjI3LjQ2NzE5MDEmbWVzc2FnZWlkPU1EQi1QUkQtQlVMLTIwMTExMjI3LjQ2NzE5MDEmZGF0YWJhc2VpZD0xMDAxJnNlcmlhbD0xNjgwMjE2NyZlbWFpbGlkPXBqYWNrc29uQGNycy5sb2MuZ292JnVzZXJpZD1wamFja3NvbkBjcnMubG9jLmdvdiZmbD0mZXh0cmE9TXVsdGl2YXJpYXRlSWQ9JiYm&&&100&&&http://www.whitehouse.gov/photos-and-video/photogallery/december-2011-photo-day?utm_source=122711&utm_medium=photo&utm_campaign=daily" target="_blank"></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kxfncpeYqJQ/TvodQ25RhLI/AAAAAAAAAD0/L1m8FK5fYvY/s1600/bm-image-739270.null"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5690893254586893490" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kxfncpeYqJQ/TvodQ25RhLI/AAAAAAAAAD0/L1m8FK5fYvY/s320/bm-image-739270.null" /></a></span><br />
<i><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt;">Eight-month-old Cooper Wagner grabs President Barack Obama's face while taking a picture with his parents, Captain Greg Wagner and Meredith Wagner, at Marine Corps Base Hawaii in Kaneohe Bay, Hawaii, Sunday, Dec. 25, 2011. The President and First Lady Michelle Obama visited with members of the military and their families during Christmas dinner at Anderson Hall. (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza) </span></i><br />
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<a href="http://links.whitehouse.gov/track?type=click&enid=ZWFzPTEmbWFpbGluZ2lkPTIwMTExMjI3LjQ2NzE5MDEmbWVzc2FnZWlkPU1EQi1QUkQtQlVMLTIwMTExMjI3LjQ2NzE5MDEmZGF0YWJhc2VpZD0xMDAxJnNlcmlhbD0xNjgwMjE2NyZlbWFpbGlkPXBqYWNrc29uQGNycy5sb2MuZ292JnVzZXJpZD1wamFja3NvbkBjcnMubG9jLmdvdiZmbD0mZXh0cmE9TXVsdGl2YXJpYXRlSWQ9JiYm&&&103&&&http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2011/12/24/behind-scenes-roundup-holidays-white-house?utm_source=122711&utm_medium=blog&utm_campaign=daily" style="color: #336699;" target="_blank">Behind the Scenes Roundup: Holidays at the White House</a><br /> Some of our favorite videos take you inside the White House for the 2011 holidays.<br />
<a href="http://links.whitehouse.gov/track?type=click&enid=ZWFzPTEmbWFpbGluZ2lkPTIwMTExMjI3LjQ2NzE5MDEmbWVzc2FnZWlkPU1EQi1QUkQtQlVMLTIwMTExMjI3LjQ2NzE5MDEmZGF0YWJhc2VpZD0xMDAxJnNlcmlhbD0xNjgwMjE2NyZlbWFpbGlkPXBqYWNrc29uQGNycy5sb2MuZ292JnVzZXJpZD1wamFja3NvbkBjcnMubG9jLmdvdiZmbD0mZXh0cmE9TXVsdGl2YXJpYXRlSWQ9JiYm&&&104&&&http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2011/12/24/weekly-address-president-and-first-lady-thank-our-troops-their-service-we-celebrate-?utm_source=122711&utm_medium=blog&utm_campaign=daily" style="color: #336699;" target="_blank">Weekly Address: The President and First Lady Thank our Troops for their Service as we Celebrate the Holiday Season</a><br /> The First Couple offer a special holiday tribute to some of the strongest, bravest, and most resilient members of our American family – the men and women who wear our country's uniform and the families who support them.<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif'; font-size: 10pt;"><a href="http://links.whitehouse.gov/track?type=click&enid=ZWFzPTEmbWFpbGluZ2lkPTIwMTExMjI3LjQ2NzE5MDEmbWVzc2FnZWlkPU1EQi1QUkQtQlVMLTIwMTExMjI3LjQ2NzE5MDEmZGF0YWJhc2VpZD0xMDAxJnNlcmlhbD0xNjgwMjE2NyZlbWFpbGlkPXBqYWNrc29uQGNycy5sb2MuZ292JnVzZXJpZD1wamFja3NvbkBjcnMubG9jLmdvdiZmbD0mZXh0cmE9TXVsdGl2YXJpYXRlSWQ9JiYm&&&105&&&http://www.whitehouse.gov/daily-snapshot?utm_source=122711&utm_medium=signup&utm_campaign=daily" style="color: #336699;" target="_blank"></a></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: #999999;">The White House • 1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW • Washington, DC 20500 • <a href="tel:202-456-1111" target="_blank" value="+12024561111">202-456-1111</a></span></span></div>
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7268943675445241996.post-53941790950610666882011-12-26T06:13:00.001-05:002011-12-26T06:47:48.391-05:00Mary, Did You Know? and Pam, Do You?<link href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CPJACKSON%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml" rel="File-List"></link><style>
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<div class="MsoNormal">As I listen to the words of a beautiful Christmas song, “Mary, Did You Know”, the words touch my heart and move me to tears. The music is absolutely elegant and the message is phenomenal. It includes a phrase </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><i>Mary, did you know that your Baby Boy would one day walk on water?<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><i>Mary, did you know that your Baby Boy would save our sons and daughters?<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">And to some extent, I think the bible teaches us that she had a clue. I cannot imagine what kind of parent she was. What did she do when Jesus wandered out into the path of horses or other animals in transit? how did she raise him? discipline him? protect him? what did she feel? was she scared day in and day out? worried? faithful? Did God talk to her regularly and remind her of her son’s purpose? Did she feel empowered by that purpose ? or frightened by it?<br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal">Then I wonder what kind of parent would I be, how different than the one I am now, if God told me what he told Mary. Would I have more discipline and self-control and never lose my temper? Did Mary? Would I never grow weary from work and school, and cooking, and cleaning, and .......... ? Did Mary?</div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8BKofsk51Pg/TvhdmeIlIFI/AAAAAAAAADc/1JLKAj821KI/s1600/kimberly+locke+christmas+album.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8BKofsk51Pg/TvhdmeIlIFI/AAAAAAAAADc/1JLKAj821KI/s1600/kimberly+locke+christmas+album.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Mary-Did-You-Know/dp/B004IAY3H4/ref=pd_sim_sbs_dmusic_t_1">Kimberly Locke's MP3 of <i>Mary Did You Know?</i></a></div> (which I played more than 50 times on Christmas Day)<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">Another line in the song states,</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><i>Did you know that your Baby Boy has come to make you new?<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><i>This Child that you delivered will soon deliver you.<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I have no doubt that the work of parenting changes me, changes us all, and has us work to bring out the very best in us in ways that no other relationship or experience ever can. Come hell or high water, I am totally transforming year after year and I always assume it is God’s plan. Within that assumption is the notion that what I was before is what I am being delivered from... and there is someplace special, better, that I shall be delivered to. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The song continues,</div><div class="MsoNormal"><i>Did you know that your Baby Boy has walked where angels trod?<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><i>When you kiss your little Baby you kissed the face of God?<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div>While I believe God is within all of us, I am rarely present to the feeling that emanates from that belief. The lyrics suggest a tender, gentle image, one that fades as the baby becomes a boy, losing some innocence and becoming more knowledgeable of man’s worldly ways. As my son approaches his ninth birthday I rarely get to kiss his face let alone feel the divine presence within him.<br />
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How easy it is to be caught up in the day-to-day living that we lose sight of the divine! It seems so hard to me to keep the forces of commercialism and capitalism at bay in respectable yet distant places so that my household focus can be on the quality of our relationships, the substance of our knowledge and intellect, and the vitality of our spiritual, physical, and emotional health. It is so easy to work just a little bit longer at the office and then justify that time lost with the paycheck that buys the stuff we consume, a portion of which is not needed at all. But how tired does that job make me? how much less energy do I have for my child because I give extra at the office? What did Mary do? what kind of energy did she have? How loving, gentle, tender, patient, and gracious was she with Jesus?<br />
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</div></div><div class="MsoNormal">The song ends with the following lines:</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><i>Mary, did you know that your Baby Boy is Lord of all creation?<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><i>Mary, did you know that your Baby Boy would one day rule the nations?<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><i>Did you know that your Baby Boy is heaven's perfect Lamb?<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><i>The sleeping Child you're holding is the Great, I Am.<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">As a parent, I have many instances of feeling the weight of a life, a young heart, in my hands. I can be too serious and significant at times, but I am not wrong. The decisions I make, behavior I exhibit, all of it fuels my parenting, models a role for my child, and makes a way (or not) in the world for him. Shouldn’t I err on the side of more serious than less? I fear intrusion from television and media, the character development I am at work on is under construction and vulnerable to outside influence. Shouldn’t I assume the work is serious in case this boy one day rules a nation? He certainly thinks he can be the next Barack Obama and I am not saying anything to the contrary.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p>What if she was none of those things?</o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><br />
</o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal">How come we don’t all act like our children might be Jesus coming back? Do we need to?</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7268943675445241996.post-52626336760481011822010-10-18T00:34:00.002-04:002011-12-26T06:01:08.734-05:00Why I Pray This PrayerLord,<br />
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I ask for You to lead me, to guide me as I surrender all. These words I recite almost daily in my prayers but what do they really mean?<br />
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Lead me suggests I follow Him. Where is He? How do I know it is Him? What signals does He give?<br />
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Guide me suggests He directs my path. Which way am I going? How do I know He wants me to go that way? How do I separate what way I want to go from His way?<br />
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Surrender all suggests I am detached from all things, people, and outcomes. I care about certain desires, certain hopes and dreams but I allow the actual events to go the way they go even if not toward my desired outcome. I do not intervene. I set the event in motion after thoughtful prayer and meditation. I check my awareness to discern whether there is more for me to do. I step back from the action and wait on the Lord. I am patient. <br />
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I go on my merry way with the rest of my life and let that other thing rest. Sort of like a well cooked piece of protein has to rest first after coming off of the heat. The juices have to redistribute and settle before the protein is plated and cut into. If insufficient rest takes place, the full flavors do not get their chance to penetrate all the right places and create a succulent morsel in the mouth and on the tongue. <br />
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So too for waiting on the Lord. When I wait for it, whatever it is, to be right; when I feel as though the thing is done and it is my time, I usually experience a feeling, a sense that all was divinely timed. Whether the outcome was double or triple what I expected; whether the problem was way more minor than anticipated; whether the expected loss was avoided or, in the alternative, a gift received instead... I always know. There is that sweet moment where I close my eyes and say "Thank You, Lord. I know this was Your doing. You have blessed me once again and I am grateful." It is in that moment, that sweet, joyful moment, that my heart swells and feels full. Sometimes it stays that way for minutes. Sometimes for days.<br />
<br />
And so I pray my prayer and ask to be led, guided, and to surrender.<br />
<br />
By the way, I always know when I have not properly surrendered too. It is easy to see. Just like someone handing me some money that they really don't want to let go of.... That last little bit of grip on the bill that forces me to have to jerk or yank it away. I can tell when I am surrendering but not quite fully letting go. Always. I imagine He smiles at me because He is always gingerly about yanking my stuff from my hands. This last time, I set the matter at the feet of the Lord but did not take my hands off of it. I said I surrender it but not really. Ours is a loving God that is so kind a to wait and let me get tired and stiff down there n my knees unwilling to let go. By the time I actually took my hands off of it and stood up to go, I could not walk right and had to hobble away. I can laugh at myself now. I know I was afraid. I had to surrender but was so afraid that the outcome might not be the one I want. I still don't know. What I do know is that God has always blessed me and kept me in His care. He has prospered me and guided me and my life is a blessing to me and to others. I trust Him and I let go. Whatever comes next, will be perfect for me... even if I do not desire it, did not expect it, and wanted something else.<br />
<br />
<br />
What a magical wonderful feeling to know that the goodness of the Lord is nothing magical at all; rather a sure, solid, dependable gift always available, unending, unwavering, unimpeachable, and unequivocal.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
with deepest gratitude,<br />
<br />
PamUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7268943675445241996.post-74086829641069613882010-10-16T09:25:00.000-04:002010-10-16T09:25:04.382-04:00Morning PrayerGood Morning Dear Lord,<br />
<br />
<br />
Thank You for waking me up this morning. I feel blessed and ready to impress!<br />
<br />
I pray today and everyday to be a blessing, for myself and others. <br />
May Your glory be in my every thought, word, and deed, now and always. <br />
May Your guidance be leading me.<br />
May I always be attentive to it and to You.<br />
May I always discern Your will from my own.<br />
<br />
These things I pray in the name of Your Holy Son, Jesus the Christ, Amen.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7268943675445241996.post-69053187939735006382010-09-20T23:26:00.002-04:002010-09-20T23:31:57.314-04:00The Daily Word today is Free!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;"></span></span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><div class="dw_date" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;">The Daily Word today says,</span> I choose thoughts and words that are free of disapproval or the need to be right. I choose activities that nurture my body and mind, expressing the freedom of my soul. I choose to treat others in ways that reflect an attitude and spirit of freedom and love.</div><div class="dw_date" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;">I used to live my life that way.... that was the pre-parent-Pam. Now, as Pam, the parent , I have drifted steadily backward. Away from the free thinking, warm feeling self that was unconditionally loving, kind, and generous. In my role of parent, I have adopted the "old school model." The model I grew up with involved the adult telling the kid what to do and how to do. There was a right and a wrong, a good and a bad. That's the parenting I am familiar with and so that is the parenting I do.</div><div class="dw_date" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;">Today, I want to parent differently and yet the natural pull is toward that past... toward the familiar way. I disapprove of my son's behavior and I say I am evolved because I am not disapproving of him. Yet he feels disapproval. and when I ask, he feels disapproved of. Separating himself from his behavior is a tough, abstract task to ask of a seven year old. Intellectually, he gets it and understands the distinctions. Emotionally, it does not matter whether it is him or his behavior... he just feels badly. One could argue that if he feels badly he will learn the lesson and do better next time. That may be true. But what if, after doing better the next time, he does not feel good about himself. Or worse, what if he only feels good about himself when he is doing something good (rather than all of the time). </div><div class="dw_date" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;">How do parents correct behavior in a way that does not do long term damage to self-esteem? and How on earth do we know what does and does not cause long-term damage to self-esteem?</div><div class="dw_date" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;">I could argue that I am doing a good job. My son is bright and talented, a sharp thinker and a well mannered boy who knows right from wrong and still manages to run free as a wild child laughing and screaming and chasing a ball with friends joyfully. He manages to resolve conflicts with friends over whose turn it is next with whatever toy or gadget. He can focus and pay attention to teachers and coaches and learn what is being taught. He can remember and process information and he can read and write. </div><div class="dw_date" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;">But he bites his fingernails...and chews on his fingers when the nails are gone.... what does that mean? </div><div class="dw_date" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;">I am noticing the absence of a handbook to tell me how far back I should step, and when, to allow him room to grow. I could choose to relax. According to the Word, I have the freedom to choose. How do I parent with a sense of freedom and love? and what does that parenting behavior look like when the boy will not stay in bed and go to sleep on a school night? Should I ignore him, as some parenting books suggest? and let him suffer the consequences of being tired the next day at school? and then do that night after night until he gets it? or should I lovingly persist in insisting that he go back to bed? and then do that night after night until he gets it?</div><div class="dw_date" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;">Where on earth is the parent's manual for Kid Jackson? and who is going to enforce the 10-year or 100,000 mile warranty that came with him? oops. that warranty was for my tires.... not the kid. oh well. </div><div class="dw_date" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;">I guess I will have to sit here and continue to freely choose to wonder if I am doing it right! Lord knows, I will not know for years to come. At least at work I receive annual and mid-year performance reviews. Who is it that administers the parenting performance reviews? I mean, I know if I am a bad parent, the police, the teachers, the family services agencies will all weigh in. But if I am not really bad, then who then?</div><div class="dw_date" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;">He receives evaluation as a student... which reflects as an aspect of my parenting... but not the whole of the job. And, if, as was my case, he is quite successful in life academically and professionally because he was constantly seeking approval that never fulfilled him, then what? </div><div class="dw_date" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;">I guess the easiest way to stop that behavior is to have him feel approved of, always, and be inspired to grow and prosper because his destiny is to be the best he can be.....</div><div class="dw_date" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;">Oh, and I never found my owner's manual for Kid Jackson, so I bought a book from Amazon.com... it looks promising but it is just a book.... not an owner's manual.</div><div class="dw_date" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"><iframe align="left" frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=pamspea-20&o=1&p=8&l=bpl&asins=1576839540&fc1=000000&IS2=1&lt1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=000000&bg1=FFFFFF&f=ifr" style="align: left; height: 245px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 5px; width: 131px;"></iframe></div><div class="dw_date" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"><br />
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</div><div class="dw_date" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; margin-bottom: 15px;">From the DailyWord.com on Monday, September 20, 2010 </div><div class="theword" style="color: #006699; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; font-weight: bold; text-transform: uppercase;">FREE</div><div class="affirmation" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold; margin-bottom: 15px;">I choose thoughts, words and actions that set me free.</div><div class="bodycopy" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Why does one driver smile and relax in traffic, while another is tense and irritable? It is a matter of choice. Freedom of choice is an expression of our spiritual freedom, and it affects our attitudes and experiences.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Today I have a simple choice: I can be held captive by irritation and restrictive ways of thinking and being, or I can practice genuine spiritual freedom by expressing love in all I think, say and do.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">I choose thoughts and words that are free of disapproval or the need to be right. I choose activities that nurture my body and mind, expressing the freedom of my soul. I choose to treat others in ways that reflect an attitude and spirit of freedom and love.</div></div><div class="verse" style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; margin-bottom: 40px;">You will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.--John 8:32</div><div class="verse" style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; margin-bottom: 40px;">source: <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;"><a href="http://www.dailyword.com/">http://www.dailyword.com/</a></span></div></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7268943675445241996.post-26805397793883173892010-08-23T22:41:00.001-04:002010-08-23T22:43:11.471-04:00Watching Spike Lee's If God is Willing and Da Creek Don't RiseAccording to Governor Blanco of Louisiana, Mississippi had 25% of damage from Hurricane Katrina, Louisiana had 75% of the damage. <br />
<br />
Yet, President Bush's FEMA administration granted 50% of federal funds to each state rather than granting funds proportionally. <br />
<br />
President Bush, a Republican; Governor Blanco, a Democrat.... guess what party the governor of Mississippi belongs to?<br />
<br />
I wonder what Obama would have done....<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.hbo.com/documentaries/if-god-is-willing-and-da-creek-dont-rise/index.html?cmpid=ABC489">Spike Lee's HBO Special - If God is Willing and Da Creek Don't Rise</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7268943675445241996.post-50849850704440663502010-08-19T22:35:00.000-04:002010-08-19T22:35:45.071-04:00What is my sentence?<span><iframe align="left" frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=pamspea-20&o=1&p=8&l=bpl&asins=1594488843&fc1=000000&IS2=1&lt1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=000000&bg1=FFFFFF&f=ifr" style="align: left; height: 245px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 5px; width: 131px;"></iframe></span> <br />
In his book, <em>Drive</em>, Daniel Pink tells us that "the secret to high performance and satisfaction—at work, at school, and at home—is the deeply human need to direct our own lives, to learn and create new things, and to do better by ourselves and our world."<br />
<br />
<br />
In Part Three of that book, he writes about two questions that we can ask ourselves as a source of motivation and purpose (see page 154). <br />
<br />
1. What is my sentence?<br />
2. Was I better today than yesterday?<br />
<br />
How on earth can I sum up what I am all about. I am a parent, a manager, an economist, a learner, a volunteer, an analyst, a sister, a colleague and more. How can I get it all into one sentence? ..... well let me see... it goes something like this:<br />
<br />
<strong><span style="color: lime;">"An effective leader, empowering people and processes to be their very best"</span></strong><br />
<br />
Was I better today than yesterday? Yes.<br />
<br />
I peacefully parented, respectfully reviewed work, I patiently led new managers, and I was attentive to my health and well-being....<br />
<br />
<br />
more to come.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7268943675445241996.post-20645182475126786882010-08-11T00:33:00.002-04:002010-08-11T00:50:49.004-04:00Life Half Full?I have finally reached that point in life… the place I really, really am not ready to be. It is that time in life where it begins to feel as though more of my living is behind me than in front of me…. The half-way point. I know I really do not know where the half-way point is, but then again I have cheated myself out of about 20 years so half won’t feel like half whenever it does actually come. I am 43 years old and very proud of my age and my accomplishments. I have felt fulfilled in my living and glad for all my blessings. <br />
<br />
I do have regrets. None of which are significant enough for me to want “do overs”. <br />
<br />
The only trouble I have comes when I am around the twenty-something crowd…. Then I get a bit weird. When I am with that age group, I am reminded of myself when I was twenty and boy was I dumb. I was young, ignorant and blissful. Life held every promise, I had every option, and my choices were all my own. Win or lose, rise and fly, do or die, Pam called the shots and Pam was in control. And only Pam suffered the consequences of Pam’s choices.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
God is my source and my protector as was the case back then…. It’s just that twenty years ago I had no idea how much protection I was enjoying. Now, I am wiser and less ignorant. I control so very little it is quite pitiful. My commitments dictate my choices and my values run the show. <br />
<br />
So when I listen to the plans and dreams, hopes and schemes of today’s twenty-somethings, when I listen to the optimism, the faith, the aspiration, I am moved. I think of their aspiration and feel inspired. I think of my ambition and feel driven. My optimism has turned to pessimism, my faith to despair as I wonder if I will “make it” succeed at these efforts and endeavors I have chosen. <br />
<br />
I am a mother. And that changed everything for me. Maybe I take myself too seriously, maybe not. But there is so much less in my life that I do for me… I use my job to fulfill a sense of vocation and purpose… but I keep that job to pay for the life I want to live as a solo parent. My volunteer time is spent investing in the church and the school that help me grow my child. I invest heavily because these are my pseudo-parenting partners in lieu of a husband or my son’s father. My dad used to be my parenting partner, helping me raise my son. He is no longer here. I no longer have his help. I miss him.<br />
<br />
I do as much as I can in all the places that I can because I care about doing a good job. I care deeply about being a good mother. I enjoy being good at my job, but failure to be a good mother has a higher “at-stakeness”. A life is on the line… literally. Yes, I sound dramatic. And yes, I believe I am right. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_2LLfs-mhWxE/TGIrzRAnmxI/AAAAAAAAACs/E3ettG1aWW8/s1600/pam%26Q+LOVE+010109.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" mx="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_2LLfs-mhWxE/TGIrzRAnmxI/AAAAAAAAACs/E3ettG1aWW8/s320/pam%26Q+LOVE+010109.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<br />
Lives are on the line every day as parents fail to parent their own children and leave the duties and responsibilities to others. The costs of failure to parent keep soaring and the costs are born by us all. We pay every day in the social and emotional costs that accompany the killings and beatings and violence that is our every day norm in urban America. We pay every day as we grow number and less sensitive to those people, the ones who are not my problem, but are my community. We pay every day in lost productivity and human capital growth as our urban Americas sink further and further behind growing more illiterate by the hour. And when my son grows up and is a black male who is educated, enlightened, unimprisoned, and employed, I cannot help but wonder…. What statistic will he be? one in one hundred? one in one thousand? One in two thousand?<br />
<br />
So, yes, my life may be about half over. But my parenting career is not even half begun. I have a long haul and sometimes the load sure feels heavy. But every day, I know I am closer and closer to creating a life lived powerfully, productively, powerfully, and prosperously … a life that is my son’s because of the way I have paved.<br />
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I am forty-something and I thank God for each and every minute I have lived and for each one I might have left.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7268943675445241996.post-69476926616279755022010-06-21T22:06:00.002-04:002010-06-21T22:40:50.611-04:00Them Down There in the TremeSo I have been watching the HBO miniseries <span class="goog-spellcheck-word">Treme</span> and I have been fascinated by the perspective on the post-Katrina New Orleans that the show provides. Clearly, the show is only a snippet and it is fiction. Nonetheless, I found it interesting to think about the damage done and the recovery process from the viewpoint of the types of people that the characters represent. <br />
<br />
First, I learned that Treme is one of the oldest neighborhoods in the city, and early in the city's history was the main neighborhood of free people of color. It is reported that the neighborhood was and is an important center of the city's African-American and Créole culture, especially the modern brass band tradition.<br />
<br />
Viewers of the HBO program get a good look at the landscape, the interior of houses and businesses, and the exterior buildings, houses, streets, and land areas. The sense of the damage, the amount of problems encountered as people attempt rebuilding, and the simple things like water in the gas line that will not power the cooking stoves on the restaurant of one character. <br />
<br />
I can see the livelihoods that derived from a tourism industry devastated and decimated but not completely deterred.... the musicians, the chefs, the hotel staff, and more. The neighborhoods that look desolate, isolated, and damaged. The houses that are no longer homes. <br />
<br />
My heart broke as the lawyer and the sister searched for the missing brother while the mother, older, less in control of her faculties, held vigil. All three hoping, searching, slaving through a bureaucracy that encouraged all the wrong behavior and provided no incentive for integrity and valor. Yet they found a little along the way. In the end, the viewer gets a clear sense of what happens in a moment when the world as someone knows it is literally washed away. And we get to feel, only barely, what it feels like to be someone, like the college professor-husband-to-the-lawyer, who knew his government had been failing his community for years. N<span class="goog-spellcheck-word">ot</span> enough of the right people put the appropriate degree of attention on the problems to solve them before catastrophe took those problems away and replaced them with new, bigger ones. <br />
<br />
<span class="goog-spellcheck-word">Treme</span> is a beautiful creation and I am glad to have seen the program in all its beauty and grace amid debris and desolation... with all its hope and faith in the face of loss and mourning.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_2LLfs-mhWxE/TCAVeQGOcYI/AAAAAAAAACU/QLUYyT5ZuzY/s1600/HBO+treme+chief.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ru="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_2LLfs-mhWxE/TCAVeQGOcYI/AAAAAAAAACU/QLUYyT5ZuzY/s320/HBO+treme+chief.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Visit: </span><a href="http://www.hbo.com/treme/index.html"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span class="goog-spellcheck-word">HBO's</span> <span class="goog-spellcheck-word">Treme</span> Website </span></a><span style="font-size: x-small;"> and </span><a href="http://www.nola.com/treme-hbo/"><span style="font-size: x-small;">The Times-Picayune HBO <span class="goog-spellcheck-word">Treme</span> website</span></a><br />
<br />
<br />
The one thing that stood out in my mind Sunday after Sunday as I watched was the awareness of them and their plight. "Boy, they sure have a mess to recover from." "Man, what a trauma that was that happened to them." "They sure had a great place down there." "I wonder how they are doing."<br />
<br />
I, sitting in the comfort of my Washington DC residence, wondered about them and felt very little connection to the post-Katrina New O<span class="goog-spellcheck-word">rleans</span> of 2010. Before this HBO special, that community and its devastation had been off my radar for quite a while. Have I done enough? Yes, I sent charitable gifts.... in 2005 and 2006. But what about 2009 and 2010? Who needs my help now? Have I done enough? I am not situated to travel there and spend my tourist dollars just yet, but when I can, will I go? Will I remember?<br />
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And then I wondered, when the next drama hits DC, if my neighborhood is torn apart, will I wonder then, if I had done enough for "them down there."<br />
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Then I listen to the stories about the oil spill and how business and tourism in the region are experiencing even more hardship. Am I doing enough now? What else should I be doing?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7268943675445241996.post-1358258642174470182010-06-21T06:48:00.001-04:002010-06-21T06:49:34.107-04:00My First Fatherless Father's DaySomeone at church wished me happy father's day yesterday. I smiled. She knew my father had passed. She was acknowledging him and my loss in such a warm and loving way my heart just warmed over and swelled. She said it in a way that let me know, she knew he was still with me, fathering me, even if his body was no longer here. It was the kindest, gentlest gesture and it made my day.<br />
<br />
I had been afraid to go to church. <br />
<br />
It was men's day and I did not really want to have my attention on dad... I thought I would be too caught up in feelings of mourning. I thought that I would see all of the dads, hear the message about fathers, and then feel devastated at losing mine.<br />
<br />
But then again, church is not supposed to be about me!<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.nepc-dc.org/index.cfm">Welcome to Northeastern Presbyterian Church</a><br />
<br />
I am Pam Jackson, Phil Jackson’s second favorite daughter.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7268943675445241996.post-41488247790742375742010-06-18T15:59:00.007-04:002010-06-21T07:00:04.024-04:00Alicia Keys singing about the Streets of New York<iframe align="left" frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=pamspea-20&o=1&p=8&l=bpl&asins=B002Y4Y8DA&fc1=000000&IS2=1&lt1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=000000&bg1=FFFFFF&f=ifr" style="align: left; height: 245px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 5px; width: 131px;"></iframe><span style="background-color: #38761d; color: black;">Alicia Keys sings that New York's streets "will make you feel brand new and inspire you." It is the "concrete jungle where dreams are made up There is nothing you can't do now that you are in New York."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: #38761d; color: black;"></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #38761d; color: black;">I believe her. The music, the beats, Jay-z... all make me feel empowered and moved deep in my soul. It is the kind of song I would play very loudly on the car radio while driving on the freeway (at high speeds) with all the windows down at dusk. The kind of song that makes me feel free and hopeful with a full rich life ahead of me.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: #38761d; color: black;"></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #38761d; color: black;">The song reminds me that life can be simple and joyful. Just show up and let life in New York move me.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: #38761d; color: black;"></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #38761d; color: black;">Today is the last day of school for my soon-to-be-done-with-first-grade son. I feel emotional, sad that time has flown by, glad because he is doing so well. As I listen now, to Alicia, I notice my dreams are less about me and more for him, more about his life than my own.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: #38761d; color: black;"></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #38761d; color: black;">Don't get me wrong.... I have more to do and big dreams for myself. But at this stage of my life, I dream of the world that my son will live in. And my focus of attention is on making the way for him to live the life he wants to live.... and making a way so that his community, his country, is as good or better than the one we have now.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: #38761d; color: black;"></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #38761d; color: black;">I feel less of the inspiration of Alicia's S<em><span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-image: none; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat;">treets </span>of New York</em> and more of the drudgery of my work to make life all better. There are moments of inspiration. But I contrast those with the life I lived when I was twenty and most of that time was spent feeling inspired and invincible. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: #38761d; color: black;"></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #38761d; color: black;">"Where did it all go?" I ask the rhetorical question knowing the answer. It is all still there. I am just too serious about it all. The problems I have taken on are bigger and more complex... the consequences more severe. I am less mindful than I ought to be about the work to do to make my dreams come true. I focus more on what I have yet to do than on what I have done. I celebrate less and plan more. Oh, the adult life is a challenge. This parenting thing really can be fun and joyful but I have work to do on that front.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: #38761d; color: black;"></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #38761d; color: black;">Maybe it is simpler yet... I am in DC not New York. Oops, better head north and have some fun!</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7268943675445241996.post-84034996350204089102010-06-17T19:36:00.000-04:002010-06-17T19:36:26.819-04:00Food from others<span><iframe align="left" frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=pamspea-20&o=1&p=8&l=bpl&asins=B00132XYZC&fc1=000000&IS2=1&lt1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=000000&bg1=FFFFFF&f=ifr" style="align: left; height: 245px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 5px; width: 131px;"></iframe></span>I am reading Rosabeth Moss Kanter, a professor at Harvard Business School and an author. <br />
<br />
<em>15 Steps for Successful Strategic Alliances (and Marriages)</em><br />
<a href="http://blogs.hbr.org/kanter/2010/06/15-steps-for-successful-strate.html?loomia_ow=t0:s0:a38:g4:r2:c0.000000:b0:z6">http://blogs.hbr.org/kanter/2010/06/15-steps-for-successful-strate.html?loomia_ow=t0:s0:a38:g4:r2:c0.000000:b0:z6</a><br />
<br />
She has developed a 15-step guide to ensuring success as every stage of the relationship, from courtship to ongoing success. Her advice:<br />
1. Be open to romance, but court carefully. At the beginning of new relationships, selective perceptions reinforce dreams, not dangers. Potential partners see in the other what they want to see, believing what they want to believe. Hopes, dreams, and visions should be balanced by reality checks.<br />
<br />
2. Know yourself. Build your strengths. An organization seeking partners should identify assets that have value to partners and strengthen them. Networks of the weak do not survive. The best alliances join strength to strength. <br />
<br />
3. Seek compatibility in values. In rapidly changing environments, compatibility in values, philosophy and goals is more important than specific features of an immediate business deal. The basis for collaboration must be more enduring, and there must be a foundation for mutual trust to help weather inevitable changes or problems.<br />
<br />
4. Treat the 'extended family' respectfully. Include other partners and stakeholders. Rapport between leaders of partner organizations is not enough. Other people and organizations who are the 'relatives' in each organizations' extended family must also be won over.<br />
<br />
5. Put the lawyers in their place. Leader-to-leader relationships are important. Partnerships and network formation shouldn't be turned over to third-party professionals, such as staff analysts, lawyers, consultants, or deal-brokers. <br />
<br />
6. Vow to work together until business conditions do us part. Commit to a first project, to exploring growth in the relationship, to monitor change, and to remain friends if changing conditions require a graceful exit.<br />
<br />
<span><iframe align="left" frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=pamspea-20&o=1&p=8&l=bpl&asins=1400052912&fc1=000000&IS2=1&lt1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=000000&bg1=FFFFFF&f=ifr" style="align: left; height: 245px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 5px; width: 131px;"></iframe></span>7. But don't count on the contract. Formal agreements can't anticipate everything, and interpretations of the agreement vary — even within the same organization.<br />
<br />
8. So keep communicating, face-to-face. Matters are more easily sorted out when partners' leaders keep talking long after their initial deal-making and dedicate people to watch over the relationship — a partner or alliance 'ambassador' (the equivalent of key account managers).<br />
<br />
9. Spread involvement. Create more ties for more people. Alliances begin with a few direct connections among top leaders. As projects unfold, more people at more levels must get involved, and they need to feel connected, too — that they know their counterparts in their partner organization. The more people feel included, the more they have a chance to see the others face-to-face and come to know them, the easier it will be to implement partnership activities. <br />
<br />
10. Build organizational bridges — formal structures. Active collaboration occurs when organizations develop structures, processes, and skills for bridging organizational and interpersonal differences and getting value from the relationship. Bridges include formal governance (a partnership board), joint project teams, and alliance ambassadors.<br />
<br />
11. Respect differences. Alliances, partnerships, and networks are most helpful when they involve differences — when partners give each other something they do not already have. But differences in "specialty" desired by partners are accompanied by more "inconvenient" differences in behavioral style, motives and goals, operating methods, or cultural assumptions. Respect is essential. Time must be invested in understanding differences and transcending them.<br />
<br />
12. Teach partners. Learn from partners. People from across the partnership network must become teachers as well as learners. Often the ultimate value of a partnership is the new knowledge and skill it brings. Organizations that derive greater value from their alliances tend to have greater communication internally, share more information, and promote an atmosphere of learning.<br />
<br />
13. Be prepared to change yourself. Partners must be willing to be influenced by one another. To make linkages possible requires operating compatibilities, project by project and sometimes even in a larger sense. This can mean learning the other's language and style or inventing a new one; changing to the other's system or creating a joint one.<br />
<br />
14. Help everyone win. Mutuality is the hallmark of organizational collaboration. Balancing benefits so that each partner gets something of equivalent value can be hard to do in the short run, but it is essential in the long run. The best alliances try to maximize the value of the whole relationship, which then makes it more valuable to each partner. <br />
<br />
15. Get closer, change course, or exit gracefully. Like living systems, relationships evolve. Change should be expected. But the best guarantee that organizations will be closer in the future is success in what they try to achieve today. Success strengthens relationships.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7268943675445241996.post-9052024564259851462010-06-05T23:21:00.001-04:002010-06-05T23:28:09.852-04:00If the world is about to endSo there is a line in the John Legend song, <i>Quickly,</i> where he talks about needing to love the girl he just met quickly cause the doctor told him he is dying slowly. <iframe align="left" frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=pamspea-20&o=1&p=8&l=bpl&asins=B001E7OO2I&fc1=000000&IS2=1&lt1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=000000&bg1=FFFFFF&f=ifr" style="align: left; height: 245px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 5px; width: 131px;"></iframe><br />
<br />
I love that line in part because it is true for most of us, that we are dying slowly.... but also I love how he sings it. In that song, like most of his songs, is really passionate. He says time is running low so he wants her (the girl he is singing to) to love him like the world is about to end. Can you imagine that? What would that be like? the attention, the passion, the focus, the disregard for the day-to-day and mundane... whew.... hours of pleasure??? romance? love???<br />
<br />
So if the world is about to end, I guess I would not care about a lot of the things that take up space in my thoughts. I would be more free and at ease to enjoy the moment, to be fully focused on the man in front of me and not worrying about my chores, my errands, my budget, and my parenting. I imagine myself in beautiful surroundings with this beautiful person, uninterrupted and full of pleasure, excitement, lust.<br />
<br />
Do you do that right now? I know I don't. Well, I might for like 5 minutes in a month or something. It seems like the shortage of time is always on my mind when it comes to many aspects of my life. If the world were about to end, my sense of time, its value and my choices about how to spend that time would shift powerfully.<br />
<br />
If I pause a moment....let's see. It is Saturday night, in June. If the world is about to end then I do not have to think about:<br />
<br />
1.teaching Sunday school tomorrow<br />
2. finishing the laundry to get ready for the next week of school<br />
3. applying the dog's monthly flea and tick medicine<br />
4. vacuuming the first and second floors of the house<br />
5. washing my hair and deep conditioning it<br />
6. losing 10 more pounds<br />
7. saving for my son's post-high school options (college? entrepreneurial start up?)<br />
8. figuring out how to manage the mid-year performance reviews that I am about to have to start at work<br />
9. resolving my father's estate and selling his house<br />
10. and 20 other things<br />
<br />
Then I guess I could be free.<br />
<br />
Interestingly enough, it does occur to me that if the world is about to end, the distraction of wondering when, exactly, the world is ending and how it might be ending....may interfere with my beautiful, in-the-moment, passionate rendezvous I have been speculating about.<br />
<br />
oh well. I guess I will just stay in the moment when I can and go on with my world ending much later on.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_2LLfs-mhWxE/TAsTlOLB_EI/AAAAAAAAACM/8TCsGVc7bYY/s1600/John+Legend+at+Foxwoods+08-08-09.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" gu="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_2LLfs-mhWxE/TAsTlOLB_EI/AAAAAAAAACM/8TCsGVc7bYY/s320/John+Legend+at+Foxwoods+08-08-09.jpg" /></a></div>Now, if John Legend himself calls me, everyone else will see me gone with the wind as the world ends!<br />
<a href="http://www.johnlegend.com/us/home">http://www.<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background: yellow;">johnlegend</span>.com/us/home</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7268943675445241996.post-25055418711492942562010-05-22T21:48:00.002-04:002010-05-23T19:41:05.185-04:00Not The DeciderI am watching the movie, “My Sister’s Keeper” and experiencing the struggle of a mom fighting for her cancer stricken daughter. I hope I never have to have that fight. It is all about trying to make the right choices and decisions, pursuing the best interests of the patient, being the decider. <br />
<br />
I came close with my dad. He was cancer stricken. He died. But I never had to be the decider. I did not even have a chance to fight for him.<br />
<br />
He said how it went, what he wanted, what he did not want. He chose when to start the process of dying. Yes, the cancer would have taken him, but he got a head start and kept the lead ‘til nearly the end.<br />
<br />
I never had to tell the doctors to turn off a machine, to stop treating him, to not resuscitate him. I did not have to spend weeks or months feeding him, changing him, cleaning him, and giving him his medicine. I did not have to make any decision that led to his death. He made them all, I supported him. He chose when to stop eating and drinking. He chose when he was not going to take his medicine. He chose not to pursue chemo. He decided three-score and ten was enough for him.<br />
<br />
On the one hand, I think if I had to make those decisions, I may have been broken spiritually. On the other hand, in an odd sort of way, I feel robbed… and deficient. Somehow, I did not do enough. Yet, I know it is a feeling, not a truth. <br />
<br />
Nonetheless, I cannot help but feel moved by the heroic nature of this character, Cameron Diaz playing Sara Fitzgerald, who has devoted more than a decade of her life to her daughter, Kate. She had to be the decider, make the choices, and suffer the consequences. In her case, she switched into fighting mode and fighting mode became her. The time, the resources, the stamina all make her look admirable and valiant. The family, strong and united (sort of) looks the better for the suffering and struggle. <br />
<br />
But then I remember, I am watching a movie. The reality is not this. I am not sure what the reality would look like but I know it is not what I am seeing on the television screen. The reality would likely contain way more mess, trauma, strife, depression, grief, fecal matter, vomit, and irate patients (patience too).<br />
<br />
I heard a line in a song during the movie…. "you'll feel better when you feel anything at all." I guess I am glad I am feeling something. Lord, knows for most of 2010 that has not been the case. My dad grew ill in 2009 but the official battles leading to the end of life accelerated in December of 2009 and ended on February 28, 2010. <br />
<br />
Caught between feeling guilty for not doing enough, feeling robbed of an opportunity to serve, and feeling sorrow because I miss my dad, I guess I am feeling better because, at least, I am feeling something. <br />
<br />
Mostly, I am just feeling glad not to have been the decider.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7268943675445241996.post-48769151763525035612010-05-22T19:57:00.003-04:002010-05-22T22:45:25.896-04:00How Much I am LovedOriginally published on Sunday, February 28, 2010 at 8:58pm <br />
<br />
Mandisa sings, "Do you really know how much you are loved.... Take the depths of the deepest ocean and go deeper, take the top of the tallest tower and go higher... take the best day that you ever had and try to imagine better than that. Still don't come close to how much you are loved." <br />
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9IbUYRpQSA) <br />
<br />
Saturday, February 27th, 2010 was the best day I ever had and I cannot imagine any better than that. It was my father's homegoing and lucky for us he scheduled it and we hosted it before he died as opposed to after. The entire day was filled with beauty and light. I am so absolutely grateful and joyful for the day, for the people, for the sunny skies, the brisk, wind, the tantalizing food, the laughter, the card playing, the music, the hugs.... <br />
<br />
I had no idea the amount of joy that could come from the warmth of loving people coming to tell Phil Jackson and his family how extraordinary he was. Though he was no longer conscious, I never doubted for a moment his ability to hear, absorb, and appreciate the generous words, gestures, and gifts. .. <br />
<br />
I give thanks to family and friends who celebrated a day, all day, in such a wonderful way. We were so loud, we laughed so hard, we hugged so much... I am a bit surprised that the man did not wake up! <br />
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Mandisa sings that God's love goes out to everyone....that includes me and you. I am so comforted by and confident in the universe's ability to care for us, to gift us with loved ones, and take them away from us in a way that does not break us but , rather, makes us stronger and better. <br />
<br />
I was loved. Deeply, profoundly, powerfully, persistently. I was cared for, valued, appreciated, nurtured and so much more. And I let that love wrap its arms around me very hard. My dad loved me and though he is now gone from this worl, I can still feel the strength of his grip on me. He held me with his care and concern for me for decades, even as an adult and a new mom, he gave to me and cared for me like a mother would a baby. It was figurative, not literal, and felt just as good. He taught me how to parent my son, he created the space for me to grow and prosper, to rise and shine, to live and love as deeply and powerfully as he. Most of all, he granted me peace by helping me to grow confident and trusting in my own voice, my own way, my own abilities. And all of that was in the last seven years, never mind the thirty-some odd years before that. <br />
<br />
Through the late hours of the night on Saturday and as the early Sunday morning hours began, the laughter and friends and family faded, but his grip remained on my hand and in my heart. I felt such joy at being able to be the one to hold his hand through the night, to wipe his brow, to administer the morphine, to feel his heartbeating, barely, to hear his raspy breathing, barely there. I felt such gratitude and pride in waking up before the alarm clock to make sure the drugs never wore off so that he never felt pain or suffering. <br />
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His homegoing was his way and on his terms. I respected him and his choices and am grateful beyond measure to have been trusted by him to help his life end graciously, sweetly, peacefully. I am also grateful for my sister, my beloved, beautiful, brilliant sister who partnered with me in this journey these last few weeks. Our experience is forever and always a treasure, a collaborative union filled with the pain of losing a dad, the joy of serving him lovingly, and the comfort of being together struggling to make the right choices, not wanting to mess it up for dad! <br />
<br />
Saying God is good all of the time sounds trite... though it is true. What is more appropriate is that we, only on special occasions, acknowledge that God is good all of the time. <br />
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What I really feel is that God is gracious and merciful all of the time and we take it for granted, do not always notice it, and would benefit tremendously if we were to wake up! Unlike my dad, I still can.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7268943675445241996.post-68622339564876613912010-05-22T18:06:00.000-04:002010-05-22T18:06:13.533-04:00Friday Night DinnerOriginally published Thursday, March 11, 2010 at 10:42pm <br />
<br />
Today it was a commercial for Outback Steakhouse. I saw the commercial, reflected a moment, my memory was jogged, and the tears began to trickle. My eyes sting. They dry up. The moment passes. My head hurts.<br />
<br />
I never know what it will be that makes me think of my dad and cry. Sometimes I think of him, and I don't cry. Sometimes I just cry.<br />
<br />
The Outback Steakhouse was where we were heading for dinner a few Fridays ago. It seems like a lifetime. Yet, it was one month ago, Friday, February 12, 2010. The snow storms, the biggest to hit the DC area in seven years had just finished and he had been discharged from the hospital in the midst of them. Snowbanks two feet high covered much of the region and that Friday was the first day back to work for most people after four days off. <br />
<br />
Traffic was horrible. My twenty minute commute picking up my son at school to travel to my father's house took three times as long. Dad was patient. Then, it took a major effort to help him out of the house and make it to the car which I could not park in front of his house. I had to park four houses down in the middle of the road (I use the term park rather loosely; stop the car is more accurate).<br />
<br />
Our fifteen minute ride to the restaurant took over an hour. Traffic lights were out, travel lanes were not plowed. Congestion abounded. Amazingly Quinton was sane in the backseat enjoying his Ipod and Dad and I just talked. We talked the whole time. It was probably the longest uninterrupted, adult conversation he and I had had in years.<br />
<br />
But we never made it to the Outback Steakhouse. He would have ordered the Prime rib, Quinton would have had the mac and cheese, and I would have had the grilled shrimp. I know this. That is what we always ordered. We always tried to get there early on the Fridays we went, like by 6:30 or so to beat the night time, date time crowd. <br />
<br />
Up until that night, Friday night dinner had been our family tradition for years, four to be exact. We started in January 2006. I had started training to run a marathon and needed to get up early on Saturdays so Dad started staying over on Friday nights to watch Quinton. We started doing Friday dinner and then we would come home to my house together instead of him going home to his house. I would be up and out at 6am, or 5am when summer came, and Dad would be there when Q woke up. They would hang out cook breakfast or go out to eat. I would make it home by 10 or 11am. We did that routine for ten months until the October date for the Marine Corps Marathon. I ran it. Finished in just over five hours. It was one of the most life changing experiences I will ever have. I grew so much in my abilities to persevere and to ask for help. I fell down… a lot. And I got back up. I relied on a community of people to help me achieve my personal goal. I accomplished success for others as well. I raised money for AIDS while I trained. And I taught myself, my dad, and my son what the power of the words “I can do it” meant coming out of my mouth.<br />
<br />
When the race was won, we kept up with the Friday dinners. But Dad no longer slept over. He went home afterwards. I don’t blame him. I did not have a guest room. All those months, he slept on the sofa. Never complained, never commented, never showed any signs of anything other than duty. He taught me in that way. Put your head down and do the thing you committed to do. No costs assigned to the requestor. Just do the thing. <br />
<br />
That last Friday dinner did not happen at the Outback because they had lost power and had no electricity. The Home Depot and the Giant grocery store across the way, the traffic lights, and the entire Prince Georges Plaza mall area on the south side of East West Highway was out. We went to the Olive Garden across the parking lot instead.<br />
<br />
Everything worked out really weel. We found parking, got a table quickly, Dad ate pretty well. It was there, for the first time in our 200 plus Friday night dinners, that I learned for the first time that Friday night dinners out with his folks is what he did when he was younger. I had never known. I do not even remember how it came up. I asked some question about when he was younger, the age Quinton is now. He described the restaurant and the building. The name escapes me now. He said that his family, his mother, father, sister, and himself, went out most Fridays for years. Interesting.<br />
<br />
I loved my dad. I enjoyed his company. And long ago he taught me the ability to enjoy being in someone’s company without having to fill up the space with words or television or other entertainment. He allowed me to experience unconditional friendship and companionship. I learned to respect him and his space and to let him be. I learned to accept him as he was and let go of any wishes for him to be different…. For our time to be different. <br />
<br />
We did not laugh and talk and fill up Friday nights with good cheer and happiness. We just went to dinner on Friday nights. Sometimes it was fun, sometimes it was quite, sometimes it was long, sometimes it was not. We went all over town... College Park, downtown, Chinatown, Silver Spring, Hyattsville, Baltimore, Capitol Hill, Union Station, Wisconsin Ave., and, more. When the recession hit heavy, we started eating in at home, cooking or ordering Chinese food. <br />
<br />
I have not figured out what to do about dinner on Fridays yet. In time I know I will. For now, I can look at the Outback Steakhouse commercials, but the Olive Garden ones tear me to pieces.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7268943675445241996.post-41572527766287005102009-10-13T06:22:00.001-04:002009-10-14T22:26:09.226-04:00Multitasking-lessI notice that in this era of advancing technology we are more and more capable of doing many things at once. We can do more, do it faster, do it longer. At some point in recent years, we became a nation that prided itself on its ability to multitask. Yet I also notice that as I age my personal ability, my internal technology, seems to be moving in the opposite direction.<br />
<br />
I liken the experience to that of a juggler. In my twenties and thirties I became a master juggler quite successfully. Now, in my forties, I still am. The difference being that I had responsibilities the size of tennis balls back then and today the issues before me are the size of bowling balls. I am successful at the juggling but as I handle the bowling-ball-sized responsibilities, the tennis-ball-sized-items that get tossed my way often fail to get picked up or handled well.<br />
<br />
So, for instance, as I work hard in my role as mother, focusing on homework every night, I work to make sure my son is mastering the lessons, applying the exercises for practice, and absorbing the knowledge in his long term memory banks. I do this while working full-time at my job and volunteering part-time at his school and at our church.... the "bowling-ball-sized items". <br />
<br />
I am mothering, teaching, directing, all with the intent and focus on my son's intellectual, behavioral, and social development. And now, as the fall season moves quickly toward winter, I notice the boy has no pants.... which ought to be a tennis-ball-sized matter... until November comes. <br />
<br />
The boy has grown three inches since April and has insisted on wearing shorts the entire time. We are deep into October and the one pair of pants he has worn to church every week for months has finally given out at the knees. <br />
<br />
I am sure this sounds like a really minor problem. I can afford to buy more pants. Yet the multitasker in me cannot figure out when and where and I have zero time to get it done before they will be desparately needed and their absence will cause him to be labeled inappropriate and me to be labeled a bad mom (or at least a weird one).<br />
<br />
I will manage this somehow... but what I notice more than the temporary pantless situation is how fried my brain became when I realized we lost the only pair of pants we had. I am certain the issue is more complicated by my son's firm belief that he should not have to wear pants (thus, I suspect, the lack of forthcoming communication about the insufficient quantity of pants). Once the situation finally penetrated the fog that has become a permanent part of my head, I became paralyzed, frozen, stuck. I had plans, agendas, maps, and dates... this was an interuption. A problem. A challenge. One that I did not feel compelled to rise to meet, but rather compelled to fall under. Better yet, crawl under. Somebody please stop this ride that is my life. It is going too fast and I want to get off.<br />
<br />
Stop it now.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7268943675445241996.post-14057317512425035462009-08-25T22:51:00.006-04:002009-08-26T00:07:38.795-04:00Rhythm of Life, Part 2I notice that my habit is to be on my best behavior so that I can model the right way for my son. The older he grows, the more of a camcorder he becomes. He absorbs what he experiences and replays it in his own actions. When he and I are not doing well, his performance in school suffers. When I am having a rough time and lose my temper, his behavior slips. Maybe this is the plight of living as a solo parent with just the two of us in the house.<br />
<br />
I feel like I work really hard to behave well, to be a person of character, to be my word, because he is looking and watching me. He sees me talk the talk and walk the walk. I have strong character because of my desire to be a good mom.<br />
<br />
My habit is to share and be generous with my time and talent. My son watches how I spend my time, how and when I volunteer, and how much I work hard for our church. He is developing a habit of community service as well.<br />
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My habits are to keep my word, follow the rules, and not run red lights no matter how late I am.<br />
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I cannot help but feel like there many of us around... but that there are not yet enough of us striving to be good role models for their children or other people's children.<br />
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If there were enough of us and we all were succeeding, shouldn't this country look better and be better? Would it really be that much of a struggle to get health care reform and other public policies that benefit the least of us the most?<br />
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When do we have a tipping point in our community and culture?<br />
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The tipping point where enough people care about the well-being of all of us more than caring about personal success at the expense of us.<br />
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The tipping point when a majority of us who are prosperous arrive at the place where we can see that we have more than enough and we are willing to give generously to ensure that others' lives are bettered.<br />
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The tipping point when enough of us have a habit of valuing our children as the gifts from God that they are, rather than seeing them as possessions or trophies or nuisances... when we value, respect, and appreciate those who care for and educate our children rather than attack them, undervalue them, and under compensate them.<br />
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Tip, tip people.<br />
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Read more about Malcolm Gladwell's book, <em>Tipping Point <a href="http://www.gladwell.com/tippingpoint/index.html">http://www.gladwell.com/tippingpoint/index.html</a></em><br />
<em>It's a book about change. In particular, it's a book that presents a new way of understanding why change so often happens as quickly and as unexpectedly as it does. It's that ideas and behavior and messages and products sometimes behave just like outbreaks of infectious disease. They are social epidemics. The Tipping Point is an examination of the social epidemics that surround us.</em><br />
<em></em>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7268943675445241996.post-6172665710335070542009-08-20T10:48:00.000-04:002009-08-20T21:02:49.550-04:00The Rhythm of Life is a Force of HabitI am listening to Oleta Adams who is singing about the <em>Rhythm of Life</em> and a line in her song says that the "rhythm of life is a force of habit."<br /><br />I then think about those quotes about habits that circulate regularly:<br /><br /><em>Watch your thoughts, for they become words.</em><br /><em>Watch your words, for they become actions.</em><br /><em>Watch your actions, for they become habits.</em><br /><em>Watch your habits, for they become character.</em><br /><em>Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.</em><br /><br /><em>We are what we repeatedly do. </em><br /><em>Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.</em><br />Aristotle (Ancient Greek Philosopher, Scientist and Physician, 384 BC-322 BC)<br /><br /><em>First we make our habits, then our habits make us.<br /></em>Charles C. Noble<br /><br /><em>Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.</em><br />Jim Rohn <span style="font-size:85%;">(American Speaker and Author. He is famous for motivational audio programs for Business and Life. )</span><br /><br /><strong>This may all seem a bit cliche but the question that forms in my mind is what am I in the habit of?<br /></strong><br />The basics are obvious.<br /><br />I am in the habit of going to work every day, showing up on time, and doing a good job.<br /><br />I am in the habit of getting my son to school and/or summer camp on time, with proper nourishment and appropriate clothing, rested and ready to be taught and to learn.<br /><br />So it could be said this behavior comes from thoughts of mine that I value education and care about having a good work ethic.<br /><br /><strong>So now what?</strong><br /><br />What destiny do I enjoy because I have habits of being dedicated, timely, and dutiful which lead me to be of strong character. Am I a good person now? and thus was not one before?<br /><br /><p>Am I destined for greatness because I get my child to school on time every day? Maybe he is destined for greatness because his school record is spotless.... what about me? where is the Parent's Place? Who has the Oscar/Emmy Awards for Best Parent?</p><strong>We could have the Gimme' (short for Give me) Awards for Parenting!! </strong><br /><br />We could have Best male and female parent awards for starring in a high drama of the elementary school children!<br /><br />How about the Best Parent in supporting role of nag and nuisance but I got my kid graduated from high school and off to college somehow!<br /><p><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_2LLfs-mhWxE/So21yPLLj-I/AAAAAAAAABA/TXc0HhS66DU/s1600-h/pam%26q+at+beach+112507.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 341px; FLOAT: right; HEIGHT: 263px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5372149805194383330" border="0" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_2LLfs-mhWxE/So21yPLLj-I/AAAAAAAAABA/TXc0HhS66DU/s320/pam%26q+at+beach+112507.jpg" /></a></p><p><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_2LLfs-mhWxE/So21yPLLj-I/AAAAAAAAABA/TXc0HhS66DU/s1600-h/pam%26q+at+beach+112507.jpg"></a></p><p></p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>How about an award for Best parent starring in a solo role, head of household, busting one's butt with no relief seven days a week, fifty-two weeks out of the year. </p><p><span style="color:#cc33cc;"><strong>(Someone please nominate me!)</strong></span><br /></p><p>Truth be told, there is no celebration, reward, gift, grant, or significant other <em><strong>public</strong></em> acknowledgement of some of the most important work done in the world. The job of parenting is a reward unto itself but comes in the face of opposing forces, cultural distractions, and insufficient economic support. </p><br /><br /><br /><p>Personally the joy of a job well done and the heart warming love and affection of my child ought to be enough. Yet I would not mind being awarded the Nobel Prize for Parenting (also known as the Nobel Prize for Peace). I think there is $1.5 million attached to that, right??</p><br /><br /><br /><p><br /></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7268943675445241996.post-62215467311038820642009-08-19T21:58:00.000-04:002009-08-20T16:40:33.002-04:00Baby, baby, no baby<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_2LLfs-mhWxE/So20s1py0oI/AAAAAAAAAA4/BZ10HJZie84/s1600-h/q_sitting+up+103003.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5372148612932489858" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 226px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_2LLfs-mhWxE/So20s1py0oI/AAAAAAAAAA4/BZ10HJZie84/s320/q_sitting+up+103003.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><div>Having a baby is not the same thing as parenting a child.<br /><br />When I hear talk of having a baby, let's have a baby, I want to have a baby... I think of pregnancy, and romantic notions like the creation of life. I envision man and woman, or two partners, nurturing the life yet to be born. I see the beauty of the bulge and the glowing sweetness that comes with the gift of grooming new life. I remember the delicate, tender feelings of love and joy when I looked into my own <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">newborn's</span> little face all wrinkled and scrunched up... when I felt him cuddled beside me or in my lap, snuggling me, seeking comfort and security and needing little else besides some milk.<br /><br />This is all well and good.<br /><br />Yet the reality is that a baby turns into a child and children require good parenting.<br /><br />The work of good parenting is about paying attention, exercising self-control, modeling good behavior, making sacrifices to put the child's interests first, and so much more. It is about discipline and dedication and being a warrior for the very best outcome that can be generated. This is how I view my job.<br /><br />I am a mother. I have a job. I was not hired but I am employed and my performance evaluation will come in about a decade or so. Will I have contributed to raising a responsible, mature adult who is a positive contributor to community and country? or will I have contributed to raising an adult who is less than productive and not responsible and not self-sufficient? Will the person be emotionally and socially healthy? well-developed and educated?<br /><br />These are the things I think about now. So when I was asked about "giving my man a baby" I almost screamed and cackled.... give him a baby? why on earth would I do that knowing how high the probability is that he will "give" the baby back? Yes, that sounds cynical, but the reality is that no one gives a baby to anyone.<br /><br />Two people meet, fall in love, perhaps, decide to marry, perhaps, decide to have a child. Usually the conversation is that I want to have a baby...but the conversation really ought to be that I want to parent.<br /><br />That is the real conversation to have. Do you want to parent? how will you parent? are you ready for the sacrifices (and the joys) that good parenting requires? are you prepared for fifteen to twenty years of hard labor? If you have already put in some years in the trenches of parenting, are you really ready to start over and do more? Who are you parenting with? are they as dedicated and dutiful as you? will they be <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">committed</span>? will they be consistent?</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2