Why I Pray This Prayer

Lord,


I ask for You to lead me, to guide me as I surrender all. These words I recite almost daily in my prayers but what do they really mean?

Lead me suggests I follow Him. Where is He? How do I know it is Him? What signals does He give?

Guide me suggests He directs my path. Which way am I going? How do I know He wants me to go that way? How do I separate what way I want to go from His way?

Surrender all suggests I am detached from all things, people, and outcomes. I care about certain desires, certain hopes and dreams but I allow the actual events to go the way they go even if not toward my desired outcome. I do not intervene. I set the event in motion after thoughtful prayer and meditation. I check my awareness to discern whether there is more for me to do. I step back from the action and wait on the Lord. I am patient.

I go on my merry way with the rest of my life and let that other thing rest. Sort of like a well cooked piece of protein has to rest first after coming off of the heat. The juices have to redistribute and settle before the protein is plated and cut into. If insufficient rest takes place, the full flavors do not get their chance to penetrate all the right places and create a succulent morsel in the mouth and on the tongue.

So too for waiting on the Lord. When I wait for it, whatever it is, to be right; when I feel as though the thing is done and it is my time, I usually experience a feeling, a sense that all was divinely timed. Whether the outcome was double or triple what I expected; whether the problem was way more minor than anticipated; whether the expected loss was avoided or, in the alternative, a gift received instead... I always know. There is that sweet moment where I close my eyes and say "Thank You, Lord. I know this was Your doing. You have blessed me once again and I am grateful." It is in that moment, that sweet, joyful moment, that my heart swells and feels full. Sometimes it stays that way for minutes. Sometimes for days.

And so I pray my prayer and ask to be led, guided, and to surrender.

By the way, I always know when I have not properly surrendered too. It is easy to see. Just like someone handing me some money that they really don't want to let go of.... That last little bit of grip on the bill that forces me to have to jerk or yank it away. I can tell when I am surrendering but not quite fully letting go. Always. I imagine He smiles at me because He is always gingerly about yanking my stuff from my hands. This last time, I set the matter at the feet of the Lord but did not take my hands off of it. I said I surrender it but not really. Ours is a loving God that is so kind a to wait and let me get tired and stiff down there n my knees unwilling to let go. By the time I actually took my hands off of it and stood up to go, I could not walk right and had to hobble away. I can laugh at myself now. I know I was afraid. I had to surrender but was so afraid that the outcome might not be the one I want. I still don't know. What I do know is that God has always blessed me and kept me in His care. He has prospered me and guided me and my life is a blessing to me and to others. I trust Him and I let go. Whatever comes next, will be perfect for me... even if I do not desire it, did not expect it, and wanted something else.


What a magical wonderful feeling to know that the goodness of the Lord is nothing magical at all; rather a sure, solid, dependable gift always available, unending, unwavering, unimpeachable, and unequivocal.



with deepest gratitude,

Pam